Hm, What did I learn?

What have you learned from it all?

I’ve learned to be brave, relentless, and attentive.  These are not inspired attributes, but rather mandatory evolutions, necessary for survival, in high school but more specifically in life. I have learned that the pursuit of being your best is far more advantageous than the pursuit of being the best. These four years have been the longest four years of my natural born life to date, and the most influential. I have come to know that the experience is about finding yourself, growing that self, and preserving that self when the villainous agents of conformity fight to distort and reduce the new-found brilliance that is still so unfamiliar. The only way to truly survive, or to efficiently maintain the essence of you, is to thrive, to shine among the dull and those who consistently radiate. I have trained extensively in the art of perseverance.  I have learned of the strength it takes to keep fighting valiantly for your Personal Legend with dignity, grace, and tact.

Here, I discovered the innumerable possibilities. The fictitious limits that existed only in my mind no longer have control. I have seen my power, and have learned to harness it. I have learned that the only person who can stop me is me. I have discovered my hidden talents, and hidden desires, and I am dangerous.   At some point along this journey at Fort Lauderdale High School, a spark was lit in my soul. A fire burns deep in me that no fear, no worry, no pang of discomfort, or guilt has ever been or will ever be strong enough to extinguish. I have learned that I truly am a force to be reckoned with, a force that can accomplish the impossible, a force destined for greatness of the highest caliber. I have learned that I can do it; I can be my ultimate self, and that self will be one of the world’s greatest contributions.

 More importantly, I have learned to recognize that potential in others.  I am grateful for the wise people that recognized that potential in me and have made countless sacrifices as they leverage their time, knowledge, and prudence to help me find the young woman that hid underneath all the layers of insecurity. When I can’t seem to find it in me to keep fighting for me, I will fight for them. I learned that I owe it to them to be great, to confirm their resolute belief in me, my ability, and my destiny.  I learned that I matter; that we all matter.

On my first day of school, four years ago, I intended to bring to Fort Lauderdale High what it had never seen before. I was going to be different, new, unique, special. They were going to notice. I was going to make everyone notice. My parents were blind. My friends were blind. The teachers were blind, and I was determined to make them all notice. I learned that I was the one who needed to pay more attention. I needed to wake up.  I needed to notice what was really important, and relevant. I needed to learn, to think, and Fort Lauderdale High School and its brilliant educators taught me.

Hopeless Romantic.

I've seen you before
A thousand times
Standing across from me
In that dimensionless room
in my mind.

I've seen you before
A thousand times
In the seems of my dreams
As I burst with my screams
of excitement
It's you, and I'm here
until you disappear, as I wake

I've seen you before
A thousand times
In my premonitions of finally
In my pleasant hallucinations
My mental oasis
The distorted reality of you
Being next to me
Holding me
Enveloping
Everything
until I couldn't find much of me
in all of you
I was submersed
Plunged into all of that oneness
 But still there was the distinction: the you
And an unfamiliar newness
that belonged to me
for the most part.

I've seen you before
A thousand times
In the irises of my eyes
In the verses of the Bible
the verses about love
about leaders
about patience
In the lyrics of the love songs
In Psalms
the lyrics of my heart beat

I've seen you before
A thousand times
which is why I get so upset when I confuse you
with everything that's not you
the myriad of carbon copies
the mannequins
the puzzle pieces that can't fit
I recognize the untruths
but I'm feening
for the feeling
That is you
So I submit to the phony
It seems to be the only
The only way to taste something concrete
But it's not sweet
The bland,
carnally altered
artificiality
that I hopelessly wished to be you knowing that it wasn't
is tasteless
but I still attempt to
enhance it with my
imagination
"It's infatuation"
But it's hopeless
So I'm back to the drawing board
It sounds ridiculous
since I'm blind
but boy I've seen you before
... in my mind.

And now I'm forced to tranquilize this anxiety
and wait for you to find me
Because I can feel the you that's inside me
But beside me
I see no one.
Behind me
I see no one.
Well, a bunch of cold someones that just aren't
you

Aren't you
wondering where I am?
I can't imagine that you too are blind also
God's not cynical, so you must be lost
so I pray you find your way

I've seen you before
A thousand times
Plus a thousand more
And the tenacity of my memory won't let me forget
So I'll dance with you
In that dimensionless room of my mind
as I hopelessly wait for my dreams to come true
In that dimensionless room known as time.

Hi, My name is Gabbie, and I'm insecure.

To say the least, my summer did not turn out how I expected it to. In my mind, I drafted this undeniably amazing Summer bucket list ( all the things I wanted to do before Summer kicked the bucket). Reality seems to have taken my list, and burned it, because I have spent my "104 days of summer vacation"  in my house, roaming around the realms of monotony. I've listened to the same songs. I've stared at the same tv, watching the same episodes, of the same shows. I'm on the brink of insanity. The peak of my day would have to be my daily phone calls. Yes, I am officially that lunatic that lives vicariously, through her friends. However, as I plummeted further and further into my sorrowful solitude, I decided to change my perspective. In my loneliness, I got to spend a lot of time with myself. I've recognized my problem areas, my strengths, my desires. This has enabled me to efficiently progress, as I help others do the same. I've really had the chance to get to know me, and through this intricate interaction, I have learned a lot about human nature. Perspective my friends is the most powerful tool in life.

Ladies and gentlemen, I will proceed to share with you a few of my revelations.
First, here's some context:

Problem Area Number One: I'm insecure.
Desire Number One: I want to be a leader.
Problem Area Number Two: I'm worried because leaders can't be insecure.
Strength Number One: I overthink every problem until I have found the solution, and if I can't, I cheat and google it.
 Strength Number Two: I give great advice to my friends.
Strength Number Three: I'm a great friend.
Problem Area Number Three: I am not my friend.
Desire Number Two: I want to be my friend.
Desire Number Three: I want to be more confident.


I decided that the source of my primary problem was insecurity. To defeat the enemy, you must know the enemy. In the past few weeks, I decided to declare war on insecurity.

Through my research, I learned that Insecurity is actually a weak villain. It doesn't have magical powers at all. It's just deceptive. It tricks you into fighting yourself. See, insecurity gets you to believe that you would be happier being someone else, whether that person is literally someone else, or a different version of yourself (an older you or a younger you) I've come to know that, that's a lie. You wouldn't be happier being Mary, because Mary has her own issues, and it would be futile to deal with Mary's issues because you would learn from them only what Mary needs to know. Mary's issues wouldn't help you become stronger, plus Mary's likes and passions would feel foreign to you, and you would eventually grow tired in your attempt to suppress all your desires. You sure as heck wouldn't be happier being your former self, no matter how great your past was, because even back then you had problems. You lacked the knowledge, insight, and wisdom to avoid the mistakes you made back then. Moreover,  if you were happier back then, it's because you're not making the decision to be happy now. You're going to be evicted out of today whether you want to be or not. Moreover, you also wouldn't be happier as You 2.0 because if you're waiting to be happy, you never will be. See, happiness is a decision. Your circumstances can only impact roughly 10% of your happiness. The other 90% is a result of your own attitude, logic, and behavior. (I got the statistic from this tv church broadcast I was watching with my mom)

I always tell my friends that perspective is the most important weapon you have in this world. If you strengthen your mind's eye, and find new ways to love, you will be unstoppable. However, I failed to apply my motto to my situation, because I wasn't being a good friend to me.

See, weapons are used to fight, to protect. If you want to protect yourself, your self esteem, you really have to fight to protect your happiness. I used to try to protect myself, and my happiness, by putting other people down, whether out loud, or in my head, but that doesn't help you rise at all. All you have to do is change your perspective. Your vision determines your luminescence. I can't lie. Shifting your perspective is by no means easy all the time. If you need some visual assistance, try counting your blessings, use your imagination, empathize, and I guarantee you, your perspective will change immediately.

We have to remember to take it one step further. We can't just limit ourselves to thought. Like President Thomas Edison  said,"Vision without execution is hallucination." Thought without action is just a wish restrained. Pass it on. Make it relevant. If you've grown from your perspective shift, help someone else, and make sure that your actions illustrate your growth.

Life is all about progression. If you have a problem, find the solution. If you're feeling down, try to rise. If you're up, help someone else. Always, keep it moving.

Trickiest part is getting up after backsliding. I can feel all this optimistic enlightenment today, and tomorrow wake up feeling like I got hit in the face with a bag of nickels. That's why it's important to have good friends, and to be a good friend to yourself. Forgive yourself. Encourage yourself. Don't play the blame game.  Insecurity is an oppressor that you can easily liberate yourself from, once he is recognized, and happiness is a decision that you have the volition to make.

Keep it moving.